Surrender - Huh?
For years I would hear, you just have to lay it down, surrender control, surrender your burdens, give it to God, surrender your will, etc. And my next thought was always, “Sure, yeah great I’d love to give someone all my burdens, but how? I can’t see God or a higher power or even my problems, fears, control. They are not tangible so how can I give them to something that is also not tangible?”
These questions haunted majority of my initial transformation from my old self into a more authentic (work in progress) self until something clicked. Which sidebar - I sometimes need a good reminder and reclick, so if you get it one day and need help the next - it’s normal.
Every person is different, every experience is unique, which means my technique may or may not help you. What I hope is that it sparks something within you that allows you to form your own. I’m going to break these down into steps to make it easy to refer to.
Step One
Before I lay anything down to anyone - I first need to clearly see what I need to give away. What am I struggling with in particular? For the sake of this exercise and for the truth in where I started and where I find myself occasionally still, we’ll use the struggle of giving up my will and allowing transformation to take place.
Step Two
Act it out. I hear your rumbling. Just stay with me. Read me out. Most of us have a tendency to watch ourselves rather than be ourselves. We are so hyper aware of other eyes that we find it challenging to just ‘be’ and instead we become self conscious and uncomfortable. Totes get it - this is me - a lot of the time. So do this practice when you know you have the space and privacy. Because no one is watching you but you. Get on your knees - not uncomfortably but like in child’s pose but sitting up. Now close your eyes - well finish reading this first then close your eyes - imagine the entity that you are surrendering to. This entity is the source, the energy, God, higher power, the creator, something greater than you. What does that look like to you? For me, I stick to the classics. I imagine myself sitting in this large open room and then I see a large foot. Larger than 2 of me combined. As my eyes move up I see the legs take shape. Larger than a two story home. Then I’m humbled by the greatness of just how large my God is. And then I realize how much greater (larger) he is than my mind can even comprehend. Then I take my body fully to the ground (Like child’s pose) and I extend my arms out as far as they will go. I lay my head’s full weight down. I visualize the large foot in front of me still. I’m so small compared to this greatness. Tears usually begin to form. Just from the feeling of reverence. I admit my struggle. I beg for Him to take it. I say I don’t know how to give it but I beg that you just take it. I continue to lay there and imagine a release. And then I wrap my arms in a self hug and I picture a hand there comforting me.
I can’t explain the rest as I only witness the changes. But I do start to see a difference in what I’m asking to give. The more I surrender and give that control away to God the more He fills me with what I need. Surrendering is one of the most challenging things when we watch ourselves. We become judges of ourselves and even of others. We might question motives of someone who can let go and surrender openly and we might severely hold ourselves back from our own surrender in public or private. Move in truth and authenticity. If you are true and authentic then what you do and where you do it will be honorable. If you move in fear, self judgement, and judgement of others - you will miss out on the experiences that were meant just for you. And because you have no idea what others’ experiences are meant to be - do not judge them for theirs. It doesn’t matter if what they do is real or fake - because that is their life. You can only live in your own. Allow yourself to feel what you are given to feel. Experience the feelings even when they are bad. This is how I’ve found truth and where I go when I need reminding of how to get back there. It takes intention to live this way. We’ve been conditioned to close ourselves and try to control everything that surrender seems crazy. But I promise, surrendering to something greater than all of us is the step out of darkness and into light.